Ayala Alabang

Ayala Alabang secedes from the Philippines

By Robin M.S. Sage

Reports of condom sniffing K-9 units seen patrolling Ayala Alabang

The Barangay (village) council of Ayala Alabang is embroiled in a new controversy. It just became the first in the Philippines to secede from the Republic. The Barangay council prompted to act after Interior and Local Government Secretary Jesse Robredo’s statement calling on all local government officials to refrain from enacting ordinances that prohibit the promotion, sale, distribution, and purchase of contraceptives such as condoms and pills.

“This is harassment!” An Ayala Alabang council official, and spokesperson Mike Insal declared. The council held an emergency closed door meeting way into the night. Early this morning, after a marathon session, the Barangay spokesperson announced their “declaration of independence.”

“When in the course of human events,” Insal began, “it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands, which have connected them with another, and to assume among the People’s of this Free Earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of God, entitle them.  We hold this truth to be self-evident that all men are created by God.  That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the People  to alter or abolish it, and institute new Government.  We so now declare that the village of Ayala Alabang shall now henceforth be the Holy Republic of Ayala Alabang.”

The Council also declared that their government shall be Ecclesiastical sacerdotal-monarchial, with the Archbishop of Ayala Alabang as its head of state. The position has been offered to the President of the CBCP, but as of this writing the bishops have not replied to the request of the secessionist group.

Following the announcement the Secessionists took possession of Sports Utility Vehicles, and began taking possession of all drug stores in the former village.

Condom sniffing K-9 units have been called into action!  K-9 units have been sniffing for condoms all over Ayala Alabang.  All those in possession will be charged with illegal possession of an abortifacient, and will be subject to 1 year in prison, and 50 lashes.

The Alabang Council also ordered all security guards to patrol the perimeter of Ayala Alabang.  Scores of refugees began leaving the once and former village.  The religious were seen onboard SUVs, chanting prayers.  The village council declared that for now, a state of martial law is in effect.

The President meanwhile is en route back to Manila from his trip in Iloilo when news of the secessionists reached him. The Palace has announced that helicopter gunships have been patrolling the skies over Ayala Alabang. A marine detachment is standing by to intervene on the order of the President.


MISCELLANY: Whether or not Alabang has truly seceded from the Republic or just gone bonkers is less the point than whether Alabang should secede from the Republic. The reasons behind such secession is especially harmful to the gullible. The fading Catholic Church (according to Wikipedia, it claims to be infallible when teaching dogmatic faith or morals) has once again found refuge in the Philippines, where church leaders have found it far more convenient to keep parishioners mangmang than let them have the God-given free will they themselves preach, so Jose Rizal wrote about this 100 years ago. Unfortunately, the country’s greatest columnist believes we Filipinos are the most gullible people on earth. And so on and on it goes.


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About the author
Robin M.S. Sage – Robin Marie Sanchez Sage is a single, 24 year old Filipino American computer specialist currently on sabbatical from pursuing a doctorate in Biological Engineering at MIT. She graduated from Oxford’s University of Cornwall-Somerville (UniCornS) with a degree in mathematics and computer science. She is open to first dates, but wimp boys need not apply. And oh, she is currently living with her German Shepard named, Fluffy.


Catholics walked out of Saint James Parish; homily used for Anti-RH agenda

Catholics on Sunday walked out during a homily at Saint James Parish.  The homily was used as a platform to voice the Catholic Bishop’s Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) position on Reproductive Health.  It talked about the village ordinance prohibiting the selling of contraceptives to the public without prescription.  The City Government of Muntinlupa has already struck down the ordinance as illegal.

Gela of Wondernot blog, wrote,  “The mass was used to convince parishioners to sign a petition that would support the Barangay Ordinance on “The Safety and Protection of the Unborn Child”. An hour had already passed thanks to the long, highfalutin speech of the priest who insisted that if you did not agree with that ordinance, you are cursed. Yes, those were his words. He was even so defensive at first, saying that he wasn’t twisting the homily to fit a discussion on the ordinance.

My mother, a faithful member of the Opus Dei, could tell how I disgruntled and upset I was. She advised me to simply pray for the Church, as what they were using the mass for was not the essence of the sacrament Catholics observe every Sunday.

No one in my family signed the petition being passed around.”

Blogwatch.tv has more Twitter reactions.

On Sunday 6th March 2011@longbeard retweeted this:

RT @InaLimcangco RT @CamillePrats Went to hear mass at St. James Parish, during the homily, a representative from Bgy. Ayala Alabang talked about the controversial ordinance of Bgy. Ayala Alabang prohibiting the selling of contraceptives to the public without prescription. It created a scene during the mass. Daming nagwalk out. Some of them got mad because they didn’t go to church to hear about that. They went to hear God’s words.The church is not the proper time and place to discuss that. To top it all, they passed around a petition form and asked everyone to sign it, to signify that they are in support of the ordinance. They shouldn’t push it down on people’s throat like that na parang wala kang choice. Sana wag namang gamitin ang simbahan para sa political agendas na ganyan.


Muntinlupa City strikes down Ayala Alabang anti condom ordinance

The ordinance, “An Ordinance providing for the safety and protection of the unborn child within the Territorial jurisdiction of Barangay Ayala-Alabang; Fixing Penalties for its Violations, and for other purposes,” which made “Ayala Alabang” trend on Twitter was struck down by Muntinlupa City.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/karadavid/status/41475177632108544″]

Anti Condom Ordinance makes Ayala Alabang trend on Twitter (updated)

An affluent village in the Philippines got to trend on twitter today.  Most twitters were shocked to learn of a village ordinance entitled, “An Ordinance providing for the safety and protection of the unborn child within the Territorial jurisdiction of Barangay Ayala-Alabang; Fixing Penalties for its Violations, and for other purposes.”  The ordinance was passed on 3 January 2011.

According to Mulat Pinoy, a site dedicated to population and development,

“The ordinance seeks, among others, to penalize any natural or juridical person to advertise by billboards, brochures, leaflets, flyers or similar means or any manner of form, sell, offer for free or endorse, promote, prescribe or distribute abortifacients. Abortifacients as defined in the ordinance is any device, medicine, substance or practice which may damage, injure, interfere with the natural development, endanger or cause the expulsion or death of an unborn child. It includes intrauterine devices (IUDs) and hormonal contraceptives.”

Full text of the Ordinance was published by Alabang Bulletin.

What did twitters say about the ordinance when word came out about this Ayala Alabang ordinance?

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/albertterrific/status/40700777714561024″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/nat323/status/40703195441274880″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/jigsmayuga/status/40703359035904001″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/wolfpuppet/status/40703321383768064″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/MsLeaSalonga/status/40680077523951616″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/janvynator/status/40702792272187392″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/11071/status/40702662701744128″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/Aliluscious/status/40702611984224256″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/oliboycastro/status/40701788763983872″]

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/FrancesASales/status/40702331100073984″]


UPDATE: The ordinance was struck down by Muntinlupa City.

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/karadavid/status/41475177632108544″]